Rebellion

Having a rebellious spirit is a dangerous thing. It leads you deep into a hole and leaves you there to die alone. 

My sister called out a spirit of rebellion in me. It shook me because I remembered a verse that says "the rebellious dwell in a dry land." I thought, "oh no. That's it." So I started searching and studying what else the bible says about rebellion. 

Let me just tell you, if you're letting rebellion stir in your spirit, just stop right now. God, HATES rebellion. Rebellion does not go unpunished, and in most cases in the bible, God handles a rebellious spirit quickly and hard. Oh does He come down hard. 

A few years back I was involved in a church that I loved. It seemed like right when I needed them, all of these people were a part of my life praying for me, counseling me, and encouraging me everyday in Christ. I started to really identify myself in Christ, and His love for me overwhelmed my soul. Everything was right, until it wasn't. In the midst of ego and pride, I was hurt, deeply hurt. My heart was shattered and I was left feeling completely alone in my walk. 

I've been a Christian my whole life, I accepted Jesus and was baptized at 7, but not until I was a part of that church did I really develop a relationship with Christ. When the church fell, I fell, and instead of trusting in God, I became angry with him, and for 3 and a half years, I've continued to be angry. In these years there have been many times I've called out to God and seemed to get not answer. I've even said, "ha, God doesn't listen to me, who am I." But it's been me who hasn't listened to him. I've closed my ears to His words. I've stopped listening to him, to his direction and decided to take charge of things for myself. This rebellious spirit I've been entertaining has definitely led me deep into the dark. I'm embarrassed to admit how far I've fallen. Mainly because, I know and have known, I'm not blind to how far from Jesus I have turned. Daily I choose to ignore what God is saying to me and do things my own way. Because of that, we sit wasting away in this dry land, anxiety lives in me, and my marriage slowly crumbles. 

So today, I am saying, it's time to come out of the waste land, it's time to fix my eyes and heart on my King. Please pray for me. 

Dear Jesus, I fail everyday. I need you. I surrender my heart to You. Please fill me with your love. Open my eyes to see you and open my ears to hear you. Forgive me for my rebellious spirit. Thank you for your unfailing unconditional love. Amen



***On a side note. Dan and I visited a new church. We really really liked it. So we'll be visiting for the next month. Please pray with us that God speak clearly to us during our search for a church community to join!***